"I don’t know if I’m holding onto love or a memory of it, but the confusion cuts deeper than I can explain."
X—X—X
MANIK
“Nandini, I was clear from the start that we can’t have that husband-wife relationship.”
I don’t know why she is reacting to that so strongly.
I understand that I didn’t inform her about attending Rashmi’s wedding, but that is not a big deal.
She has a separate life; I have my individual life, and that is cool.
Why is she trying to be bossy with me?
I told her exactly at our wedding that we wouldn’t have that normal husband-wife relationship, but why is she hoping for that?
I never gave her any wrong signals about US then, why is she going mad over that small thing?
This woman is making me MAD.
“Yes.” She says, wiping her tears that are on the verge of falling.
Now, why is she crying? I hate it when a woman cries and shows her weakness.
“I agree that I'm being dumb, thinking about US.” She started in a heavy voice, “But you also promised me that your loyalty would always stay with me, whether we have something or not.”
Is she questioning my loyalty towards her?
I know, I would never give her the rights as a wife, but that doesn’t mean I will cheat on her ever.
I won’t even think about cheating on that bond. The bond we tied in front of the holy fire.
“So, where did that loyalty go?”
I am getting mad, madder. How can she doubt my character?
“So, what?” I yelled, “And, please don’t talk about loyalty and all…” She looked directly into my eyes with tears, and I tried to calm myself as I knew my anger was my distress.
I can spoil anything with my anger, as I can’t keep it shut. “This is not like I slept with her or had an affair with her behind your back.”
Ok, I understand, I should not have said that, the damage is already done.
I noticed something in her eyes, maybe HURT. My words must have hurt her; that's why she sobbed for the first time in front of me.
“You know me, I will never do that.” I try to control the damage and make my point as politely as possible.
“No, I don’t know you.” She says rebelliously. Only she has the power to stand high in front of me during arguments. “I don’t know the Manik Malhotra who still holds the past when he has the present to take care of.”
“Here, you go, girl!” Finally, she accepted that Rashmi was my past. “That was a past, so come out of it and stop making it a big issue.”
I am done with her. She is framing me like a culprit, and I won’t take that anymore. I won’t allow anyone to question my loyalty or my character. I am a man of words. “You are making me look like a criminal.”
“Yaa, right!” She shot her head high, hearing me, “I am making an issue…” Damn, the sarcasm in her tone is like a knife. “My husband went to his ex’s wedding, and the wife has no clue about it.” She took a step closer to me, and her voice held some threat that was enough to make me shiver. “I am making an issue, right?”
I took a step back as her closeness was my triggering point. All the sexual tensions and the dry spell are not helping me either. I hate the smells, but her Vanilla’s cologne is a different topic to discuss. My allergic reactions never come out around her.
That means it's time for another doctor’s appointment.
She cleaned her cheeks, removing the tear marks. I can feel the sudden change in the atmosphere. She looks determined, and that was a reason to be scared off.
“To be clear, Manik, I am not against you going to the wedding, but I am against you going to your ex’s wedding without informing me.” She calmly said, and I felt like that was calm before the storm.
“Nandini, please, stop it!” Why would I need her permission to do something? She is my wife, I agreed, but she has no authority over me. “Stop making it look like I committed a crime.”
“No, you didn’t.” She replied swiftly with a pinch of hurt. “I did a sin by keeping faith in your words.”
“Oh god!” I exclaimed as I didn’t know why this situation was turning into a disaster. This is becoming a mess. I ran a hand over my face to keep my calm and not to burst on her and spoil this further.
“Do you know what?” She started as calmly as she could, “Let's make it clear right now.” She emphasizes her words, “From now onwards, you are free to do whatever you want, and I am free as well to do whatever I want. We will act like a sweet couple in front of the family and won’t bother each other until the other does something to spoil our public image.”
Ok
Ok, I hope she doesn’t mean what I conclude from her statement.
Still fearing her intentions, I asked, “By any chance, are you indicating having an affair out of wedlock?”
I waited to hear a NO. A big fat NO, but her answer was,
“Maybe…”
That’s it! I can’t tolerate this nonsense anymore. Does she think our wedding is a joke or what?
I agree we don’t want this marriage, which won’t give us a chance to impure this.
“Oh god…. Woman!” I held her forearms and started angrily so that my words could go into her head. “WE WON’T HAVE AFFAIRS OUT OF THIS WEDLOCK. PUT THAT STRAIGHT IN YOUR HEAD.”
My eyes spat fire, and so did she.
“I won’t promise you anything this time.” She pushed me back, “Since childhood, I dreamt of having a partner who would love like no one else, who would make me the center of his universe.”
Stupid women and their stupid dreams. They want fictional men who will worship the floor they walk on. This is the fucking world. A mere girl will never become the center of any man's world. She has to understand that.
“And with you, I can’t see that happening.” She continues with calm, “I always let go of my dreams for others, but this time, I will get whatever I want.” She pointed at my chest, “Whether it comes from you or anyone else.” She ends coldly with a determined face.
“You can’t be serious, right?” My voice came out as a whisper.
Whatever is happening is not right. She is angry, I can understand, saying that we can look for another partner out of this wedlock is not the right approach.
“Try me.” She turned around and packed her bag to leave, but I held her hand before she could move out of the room.
“Nandini, it was just a small wedding. I have no other thoughts other than that. I wanted to take revenge for her betrayal.”
“Don’t you feel pain when you see her with another man? Not even a little bit.” And I went silent. I have no answer to her question. Everything is messed up.
“But, it was not just a wedding for me, Mr. Malhotra.” She pulled her hand back from my hold, “You knew I said yes to our marriage when you cleared that YOU ARE OVER WITH HER. THAT YOU ARE MOVED ON FROM HER BETRAYAL.” I felt like a defeated man who lost his battle. “But, I can see that you are not over with her. And I don’t want to live with a man who has no ground.”
Tch, it hurts.
I rest my case in front of her, “I don’t know how I will make you understand that I don’t have feelings for her?”
“You don’t have to make me understand. I will know whenever you let go of your feelings for her.” How can she know? But my question was answered by her the next second, “After spending this one month with you, I understood that your eyes are the mirror of your soul.” The same words, “Your eyes speak volumes that your mouth can’t say.”
My mother always says, “My eyes are the mirror of my soul that speaks volumes.” She always understands me before I can put my thoughts into words. Now, Nandini does the same. She can read my eyes the way I can’t.
How can this be possible?
How can I put my guard down in front of her?
“Nandini…” I called her softly, and trust me, her name never sounded so heavy until now.
She showed me her palm to stop and said, “Let’s create distance between us until you get over Rashmi.” She looks down and bites her lower lip, hesitating about something. “Or else, I will think that I am the third wheel in your love story.”
“Third-wheel, seriously, girl?” This angered me. How can she think so low of herself? “I broke up with Rashmi before meeting you for marriage.” I wiped her tear before it reached her cheek, “So, don’t hurt me by saying that because I can’t see my wife insulting herself just for a girl.”
“No, you never got that closure.” What does she mean? “She betrayed you, and you thought that was a breakup.”
“Nandini….” I wanted to say many things, but my words are ditching me for the first time.
She circled her hands around her neck and removed the nuptial chain that I had made her wear at our wedding. She handed it to me, “This means nothing but a burden. I can’t stick to it with the hope that one day we may have something. I promise I will ask for it when we both dare to go ahead with this marriage. Till then,” And that hurts me a lot. She took a deep breath and continued, “Let’s keep a distance between us till you are over with your past.”
“Nandini…” She went.
She didn’t even look at me for once.
“Why has it become a mess?” I sat on the bed and angrily punched the pillow. “I can’t take it anymore.” I feel like pulling my hair. “If she wants distance, then it’s fine. I will do that; this is not like I want her attention and all.”
I look at the nuptial chain in my hand and put it safely in the drawer, not wanting to ponder on that anymore. “I won’t die if she won’t talk to me or won’t show her face to me.”
I slumped down on the bed as I felt tired, not physically but mentally. After debating with myself, I decided to go to the office.
I came out and heard her arguing with Virat. He is my personal and loyal bodyguard, but not anymore. I appointed him as Nandini’s bodyguard.
“Can’t you understand that I don’t want you?” She stated calmly, not wanting to abuse or threaten him, at the same time making her point clear. “I have a bodyguard, and he was enough.”
“But Ma’am, sir has appointed me, especially for you, and to protect you is my duty,” Virat says.
Brace yourself, Manik, another fight is approaching.
“He is saying right, Nandini. I appointed him for you. From now on, he will stay with you like your shadow.”
I am ready to hear her outburst.
1
2
3
“Please, Manik, I've had enough fighting for today. I don’t want it anymore, I am tired.” Wow! Great, I too had enough fight for today. She continues, “I don’t need him.”
I gave a look to Virat, and he went away giving us privacy to talk out the matter.
“That is not your choice, Nandini.” She has to understand that her security comes under my responsibility, and I don’t want to repeat the scene from last night. “He is working for you, and that’s final.”
I go towards my car, but she turns me around angrily, “Why so?”
She comes closer to me, and her lavender scent is making me go weak…. Manik, control!
“I already have a bodyguard, why will I need another?”
“Because your previous one surely lacks some skills.” Does she think that her previous bodyguard is enough to protect her? “If he were your actual bodyguard, then he wouldn’t ever leave you alone on that deserted road.”
She went silent, and why not? She knows this time I am right. “This is for your safety, Nandini.”
“Why do you care about my safety, Mr. Malhotra?” She looks directly into my eyes as if finding her answers, “As you clearly stated, we are nothing more than a couple who stuck together with or without their will.”
How can I make her understand? I am still confused.
“I am doing that only because YOU SHARE MY NAME.” One of the major reasons apart from that, she is my wife. “You are no more NANDINI MURTHY; now you are NANDINI MANIK MALHOTRA.”
“You know what?” She patted my chest a little too strongly and continued, “Keep him safe for your other girlfriend because I am not taking him.” She sat in her car, lowered her window, and said with her attitude, “And that is final.”
“Nandini…” I yelled, but she drove her car away like a tigress.
This girl is STUBBORN,
ARROGANT,
STUPID,
And,
And,
I don’t have any other adjective for her.
To be continued…